Unlocking The Teacher's Heart

Hey everyone,

This past Monday was the beginning of my teaching career for Tianjin University of Finance and Economics. There is a lot to tell and express to you all, with an effort to unlock the emotions I have toward this new profession.

I could not sleep the night before, thinking about Lily, adjusting to the new bedroom environment and having the thought of standing in front of 50 students on my mind. I remember continuously tossing and turning, awaiting the minute that the clock would strike 6:00 AM. I knew that, at this time, Lily’s father would be calling me to wake me up in time for my bus ride to the new campus. It was as if the cell phone were staring me in the face, being my reminder that I will soon be a teacher.

The act of waking up the next morning at 6 AM did not come with as much difficulty as I expected, but sure, it would have been nice to sleep for just one more hour. I got out of bed and headed towards the bathroom to brush my teeth. The first challenge of the day hit me real quick, as the water from the faucet in my bathroom poured out murky brownish water. I told myself that I would not allow this to stop me in my tracks, that it is part of the experience, and that I would try to be more flexible.

Ok, I made it out to the bus on time. It was nice that I had a co-worker waiting for me at the bus stop. Her name is Qi, Hang (English name is “Kate”) and she turned out to be a very wonderful person my first day. She, along with another co-worker, walked me to my classroom, as well as to other areas on campus, such as the dormitory and the cafeteria. It was very pleasant being able to have her on the bus ride to the new campus, because I was able to learn a great deal about China and teaching English from her; not to mention, her English is very good, and I finally had someone other than Sean with whom to speak English.

So, the bus ride to my new campus was an experience in itself. Many different faces passed my view as I sat on the bus, awaiting my arrival to the school where I would be teaching. I also got to see another side of China, escaping Tianjin’s circumference and entering a more rural area of China. This is interesting, because the campus is in a district still considered part of Tianjin. I am not sure how true this is, because Kate told me that the campus is between Beijing and Tianjin.

The rural area is much different than the city, and brought me some relief. For one of the rare times, I had the chance to see many trees and grassland, along with a blue sky. As Kate said, the air is much cleaner where the new campus is located. I knew that with some minor inconveniences would come nice delights. After all, I’m just a recent graduate teaching my language for the first time. I’m already thinking about some of the challenges which came up my first day of teaching.

As we approached the campus, my surroundings became very familiar. I felt as if I took one step back and found myself in Texas once again. Green, trees, clear big sky, and… houses! That’s right, there is this subdivision which I believe my bus/van will be passing each day as I travel to campus.

The houses are fairly large, even for American standard, and are encircled by something similar to a moat. Kate told me that she heard from a friend that these houses are somewhat like a condo “get-away,” which can be rented per day. Not sure how extended the truth was in this statement, but Kate said that some of the houses rent for 10,000 yuan a day. So, a rough exchange would make that about US $1,500 a day.

After about an hour and 30 minutes, I finally arrived at the campus. It is actually very nice on the outside, the buildings look very new and are all painted similar to the red of a tomato. I will provide a picture soon, but in word, these buildings are all painted this red and look identical! I have a feeling that I will get lost at least once my first month.

The time I got to campus was about 8:30 am, and the time my first class began was at 10:15 am. Believe me, the amount of time between went by faster than lao lao’s Chinese. When the time came, Kate escorted me, along with the “deputy director” (not sure what this title would be considered in America), to my classroom. The director is a very nice man, his English is better than my Chinese, and he seemed overtly concerned about my well-being.

I have to tell you, walking to my classroom building, and entering the building was like walking on red carpet to the Oscar’s. Not only was I escorted by two Chinese people, but all heads turned and all eyes were on me. I knew it was time to go to work, to begin the day that I would try to make a difference in students’ lives.

I soon stepped into my classroom, wearing blue jeans and my “Bruce Lee is my homeboy” t-shirt, and I made my first eye contact with the 45 students I would be teaching that morning.

From the very beginning, there were some technical difficulties, but it was all soon resolved. Actually, I think that some American schools would be impressed by the technology I have in my classroom; I think you’d like Brian. It’s really cool, at the front of the classroom, I have a desk and access to the main computer.

On this computer, I have a program called “net class.” Once I click on this program, and open it, whatever I decide to do on the computer can be seen on all of the computer screens which are in front of the students. That’s right, each desk has built in computer screens, which are somewhat slanted for the students to see; Alma, it’s exactly similar to how you have your computer screen positioned at the store.

Once I entered the classroom, very shortly, I made my first words to the students. I wonder how long it had been since they had last heard a native English speaker…

I never felt a moment of nervousness throughout the first class. I could not only see, but I could feel the awe that came from my students. It was as if I were some high profile celebrity giving them all a speech like some kind of publicity stunt. However, I believe my words carried far more substance, as I slowly spoke to them some of the thoughts running through my mind.

I did well to keep the class lively, never failed to say or do something. I spent a fair amount of time talking about English, the goal of the class, what will need to be done to achieve the goal, and a little bit about me. Actually, I talked a lot about me, but in a very subtle way.

Thing is, many academics always debate as to whether teaching could ever be done from an objective stance. I finally felt the pressure of teaching, wanting to make sense to these students, but also wanting to give them enough so they could begin to shape their own realities. However, I turned my interests into topics which I discussed, explaining to them different styles of music I enjoy. Charlie, I actually talked about Sasha and Digweed for a few minutes, knowing with complete certainty that they had no idea who these two DJs were.

This did not turn out to be too much of a problem, because I could feel their eyes glued to me. I could sense that what I had to say was of some interest to them, that I had become a new presence in their lives.

Really though, I’m not trying to paint some arrogant picture of myself; I would later find out in the questions I had them answer (“what did you learn in class?”) that they enjoyed what I had to say.

I have this feeling that classroom life in China is somewhat lifeless and that I had just become a breath of fresh air for the students. This had been explained to me previously by Liu lao shi, who suggested that I try to keep the class lively.

I did my best at this, walking around, keeping a smile, making hand gestures, and not ever allowing for a dull moment. I even played them various music, ranging from Coldplay to Marvin Gaye. These artists are as foreign to them as Beijing opera is to Americans. This world, though it has shrunk from air travel, is still very wide and full of great imagination and interpretation.

I couldn’t help but feel that this class might serve as a gateway to some of the students’ many dreams. As has always been the case, America is a faraway land, something like an enchanted paradise, which is fed to outside people in bits through film and music. However, for places like China, access to American culture below the media surface is somewhat hard to come by; Chinese people have lesser opportunity to hear Motown than they do Backstreet Boys.

The sad reality though is that any exposure these students have with America will only remain within the movies and music they enjoy. As I have learned from many people, traveling is very expensive for Chinese people, especially for traveling to America.

This hit me hard, as I thought of ways to motivate the students to learn English. One thought I had was to show them beautiful pictures of various English speaking countries; of course, the first country which came to mind was New Zealand. I thought that I could explain that, with better English, they could greatly enjoy traveling to these places.

I wonder if this would be more of a tease than an effective strategy, because many of these students may never have the opportunity to leave their country.

I don’t want to invoke pity, or create a dismal situation that these students possess, but I do feel that their opportunities are greatly limited in comparison to Americans. We often take for granted our ability to go to places like Europe, Mexico, Canada, and/or South America.

And, even for those Americans who don’t have such an opportunity to travel, you are still provided with a fairly good education and chance to find good work.

The reality is that wealth is greatly concentrated in few Chinese hands, and most Chinese people on average have lesser opportunity; opportunity being a good education, a chance to travel, a chance to explore life’s limits.

As for education, I wonder how good it actually is in China. Sean, the other American teacher, and I already have our handful of complaints. These complaints range from lack of textbooks, assigned textbooks which are incorrect, lack of promptness in knowing our schedules, and overall lack of organization. For Sean, he will be having his entire schedule changed next month, losing a couple of classes, and picking up “mixed” classes. So much for student rapport…

Not to mention, they come to a person like me – with zero experience in teaching – to teach 6 crowded classrooms. From my understanding, language acquisition is best achieved in a small classroom setting. However, the reality in China – according to Kate – is that classrooms are never small. China’s population can’t afford to have an ideal classroom size of maybe 25 for teaching a language.

These are my challenges for the year: to work under China’s educational reality, and to be a moment of enjoyment for my students.

My students are very wonderful. They are very courteous, intelligent, shy and sweet, and overall, have a genuine interest in me. I am coming to develop a teacher’s heart, wanting to tap into these students, and also wanting to share with them my reality.

I have told Lily this: that, as each day goes by without her, my heart rips a little more. My students have already pulled out the thread, and are sewing in the stitches to put my heart back together once more. I believe that the suffering I am causing for both Lily and I can be channeled into bringing enjoyment to my students.

As I said, maybe they may never have a chance to go to America, but I can make that reality come true, if at least in a rural remote part of China. I want to give them so much joy and happiness. I want to share with them my childhood, share with them the experiences I have been fortunate to have, and walk away having touched their hearts. If not all this, I hope that I will at least encourage them to continue learning a language that colonialism and history have made important.

I thought about this ambitious goal as I sat on the van headed back into the city. The sun had come close to finishing its descent over the hills, and you could begin to feel dusk over the farmland around. In this moment, I read to myself the various short sentences my students wrote in English.

“I hope that I can learn more about your country.”

“What are Americans like? How do American teenagers spend their free time?”

One student even wrote down that he hopes I can join his server on World of Warcraft! (For those of you who do not know, WOW – as it is called by many fans – is an online role-playing game)

“I want to be able to study abroad.”

“I think you are a wonderful teacher, and I hope we can be friends.”

I tried to remember all the faces I saw this day, wanting to attach a voice and smile to these sentences. The one face that kept reappearing in my head though was that of this one girl who didn’t look too far off from Lily. She had sat in the front row of my first class, and had her eyes focused on me most of the time. More importantly, I couldn’t help but think that Lily could have been that girl, sitting before me.

Lily (along with her parents, family and friends) has made me realized how special Chinese people can be, and given their life situation, I want to do so much for my students. I want to give them so much. I will ride on the bus for an hour, be away from my country, family and friends, if I can at least be a moment of enjoyment for my students.

I believe I finally understand the beauty of teaching.